Conscious Love as Help to the mate in Self Developement

“Conscious love evokes the same in response. Emotional love evokes the opposite.
Physical love depends on type and polarity.’’

(G. I. Gurdjieff)

To C.S

Love… You are the love of my life… With or without you…My heart is burning… The only wish I wish is Your love… I’ll die for you…

But what is love? What is that power that evokes so many intense experiences, so much struggle of emotional storms, what is its meaning? Is there only one love we can perceive, feel? Poems, romance, movies and paintings draw that theme…“but we loved with a love that was more than love/ in this kingdom by the sea…“. So, maybe it is correct to say that love is the fuel which feeds our life. We feel that we can’t live without love. So, if this appears to be a food for our life, why does it cause so much pain? Is every kind of relation motivated by love? Or, specifically, is the love of a luxurios the same love of a priest or of a politician?

Some recent research made by Italian scientists discovered that the brain pattern of a person who falls in love is the same of a person who is distressed by a maniacal possessive syndrome, and this is a serious paranoid compulsion that can be healed only in psychiatric institutions. So, when we are in love are we really sick?

To answer those questions, we must first understand that there are some differences between love and Love! We must learn to distinguish among at least three basic kinds of love: instinctive love, emotional love, and conscious love. We may all know and experience the first two but the third is rare and depends on the level of being and consciousness, intelligence and emotional development. So, this is a experience we cannot ”feel” (if is correct to use here this term) in the normal mechanical conditions.

Chemistry is the basis of the Instinctive love, and biology is determined by chemistry; this kind of love manifests in the attractions, repulsions, mechanical and chemical combinations we call love with the consequential  marriage, children and family, are a sort of a chemistry or alchemical laboratory product driven by what we call Nature. Instinctive love is a product of chemical reactions and is as strong, and lasts as long, as the substances and qualities of which it is the manifestation. These can be known and measured only by one who understands the laws of progression of heredity. Many have remarked that happy or unhappy marriages are hereditary. So, too, are the number of children, their sex, longevity, etc. The so-called science of astrology is the science (when it is) of heredity over long periods.

The emotional love is the opposite of the instinctive, because is not rooted in biology. Instinctive love obeys the laws of biology, so it proceeds by affinities. Emotional love is often the mutual attraction of non-affinities and biological incongruities. A pure emotional love rarely results in offspring, and when it does, biology is not served, and its results are the birth of mermen and mermaids, Bluebeards. Emotional love is not only short-lived, but it evokes its slayer. Such love creates hate in its object, if hatred is not already there. The emotional lover soon becomes an object of indifference and quickly thereafter, of hatred.

There’s a story I’ll show as a good example of such kind of love:

There was once a little boy, who was deeply saddened to find his turtle lying on her back, motionless and lifeless near the pond.

His father did his best to console him, “Don’t cry, son.  We’ll prepare a nice funeral for Mrs. Turtle.  We’ll build a little coffin, all silk-lined for her.  And we’ll ask the gravedigger to make her a gravestone with the name, ‘Mrs. Turtle’ written on it.  Then we’ll bring her fresh flowers each day.  And we can even put a little fence up all around her grave.”

The little boy wiped his eyes and said that he liked the idea.

When everything was ready, the father, the mother, the maid and the little boy walked in procession, with solemn faces, towards the pond where the tortoise was lying.

But she had disappeared.

Suddenly they saw Mrs. Turtle emerging from the bottom of the pond, swimming merrily.

The little boy glared at his friend the tortoise in great disappointment, and exclaimed, “Let’s kill her.”

This is the tragedy of the emotional love.

Conscious love rarely arises between humans, but it can be explained in the relations between man and his favorites in the animal and vegetable kingdoms. The development of the horse and the dog from their original state of nature, the cultivation of flowers and fruit—these are examples of a primitive form of conscious love – primitive because the motive is still egoistic and utilitarian: man has a personal use for the domesticated horse and the cultivated fruit; and his labor upon them cannot be said to be for love alone. The real developed conscious  love, is the wish that the object should arrive at its own native perfection, regardless of the consequences to the lover. ”I will struggle with all my being and sacrifice myself so he/she could develop him/herself”- this is the conscious love, and this kind of love, if true, always evokes a similar response in its object. Conscious love begets conscious love. It is rare among humans because, in the first place, the vast majority are children who look to be loved but not to love; secondly, because perfection is seldom conceived as the proper end of human love— though it alone distinguishes adult human from infantile and animal love; thirdly, because humans do not know, even if they wish, what is good for those they love; and fourthly, because it never occurs by chance, but must be the subject of resolve, effort, and self-conscious choice. Conscious love is an art, and one must work going through a sort of apprenticeship to become a master in this art. He perfects himself with the wish and the effort to aid his beloved to become perfect. This is a work of service, and devotion with all one’s being.

So, what kind of man or woman can love consciously? What kind of perfection might he/she realize for the blessing of the beloved and his/her Endless Creator?

Service deserves detachment, so he isn’t jealous or possessive; he must also cultivate humility and conscious tolerance. One must know the necessary needs of the mate to permit and help his/her development: if he is not sure of what the needs of the mate are, he must allow him/her to go on his way. One must know the needs of the mate’s essence, needs which cannot find a name, and anticipate today, his/her needs for tomorrow. Objective altruism. That is needed, and without a thought all the while of what his/her needs may mean to him. It’s a way of severe self education and discipline. Conscious love is God’s love because they love each other consciously. So, the conscious lovers become gods. Remember the tantric axiom: ”Ham Sa Shiva-Ham Sa Shakti” (I’m Shiva- I’m Shakti): it’s the realization of the divine nature of the mate with all his needs. It’s an objective devotional act. And, if and when this relation becomes harmful to the other, the ”conscious lover” will leave him or her to permit his/ her development.

Passion is also a term used related to unconditional love (even if today it is used for explaining the instinctive or emotional mechanic dynamics we call love): the etymological meaning of Passion derives from the Latin Patire (suffer), so it is a sacrifice, a ”conscious sacrifice” to permit the other’s development or redemption: the most known sacrifice of this type to the highest degree is the Passion of Christ who sacrificed himself to ”redeem the sins of all human beings”.  Never forget: conscious love means conscious sacrifice to the beloved (may it be a mate or a son, or a friend: it doesn’t matter: it is always ”conscious sacrifice”). As my mentor (teacher) wrote in one of his poems: ”I’ll cut the thread of memories: so, maybe, I’ll save you”.

Without shame people will boast that they have loved, do love or hope to love. As if love were enough, or could cover any multitude of sins. Unfortunately this is the human hypocrisy, an attitude that became part of his nature. So, can we love? Without a conscious effort (a greatest gift of love to the mate) we could never really say that ”We love”. This is not an intellectual concept nor a hypothesis: look the world surrounding you and verify for yourselves- the experience is the only real way to truly ”learn” something.

So, my dear friends and brothers on the path…

”I wish to love You with all my being, I struggle to achieve this kind of love, and to do this, I will change my level of being and become a better person who, maybe, one day would become a Real Man”


About mr Sarmoung

Andrea Dandolo je pisac i istražitelj razvoja svijesti i duhovnosti uključen u razotkrivanje drevnih učenja s ciljem olakšavanja unutarnjeg razvoja ljudskih bića. Jedan od načina kojima se time bavi je i kroz blog koji je preveden na engleski, španjolski i od nedavno hrvatski. Od rane mladosti je u svijetu duhovnosti i rada na sebi sudjelujući u radu grupa koje potječu direktno od Gurdjieffa, tj koje su bile vođene od strane samog Gurdjieffa U skladu sa drevnim znanjima, naglašava razvoj svjesnosti kao primarno sredstvo za psihološku transformaciju i duhovnu osvještenost individualaca. Karakteristike sistema koji predlaže su jednostavan jezik i moderni prijevod drevnih učenja kao i njihove praktične primjene u svakodnevnome životu. Njegov blog čitaju ljudi iz svih krajeva svijeta. Samorazvoj je ne religiozni i ne dogmatski put; sastoji se primarno od naprednog dostizanja viših stanja svijesti, p prisustva i konačno od ostvarivanja svoje prave intimne prirode, koja je poznata u mnogim tradicijama pod imenima poput esencija, duša, biće. Kroz takav razvoj individualna osoba ulazi u nove dimenzije svijesti koje mu omogućuju da vidi stvarnost sakrivenu iza iluzija. To mu omogućuje kreiranje osobnosti neovisne i otporne na vanjske situacije i vanjska uvjetovanja. Posljedice takvog razvoja su oštra inteligencija, izvanredni kreativni kapaciteti, ravnoteža i smirenost u svakoj situaciji i stabilno stanje višeg stanja svijesti koje je poznato u drevnim tradicijama pod nazivom “buđenje”.
This entry was posted in Awareness, Fourth Way, Gurdjieff and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Conscious Love as Help to the mate in Self Developement

  1. John says:

    Extract from “Letters To A Young Poet” Rainer Maria Rilke

    ” We are only just now beginning to consider the relation of one individual to a second individual objectively and without prejudice, and our attempts to live such relationships have no model before them. And yet in the changes that time has brought about there are already many things that can help our timid novitiate.
    The girl and the woman, in their new, individual unfolding, will only in passing be imitators of male behavior and misbehavior and repeaters of male professions. After the uncertainty of such transitions, it will become obvious that women were going through the abundance and variation of those (often ridiculous) disguises just so that they could purify their own essential nature and wash out the deforming influences of the other sex. Women, in whom life lingers and dwells more immediately , more fruitfully, and more confidently, must surely have become riper and more human in their depths than light, easygoing man, who is not pulled down beneath the surface of life by the weight of any bodily fruit and who, arrogant and hasty, undervalues what he thinks he loves. This humanity of woman, carried in her womb through all her suffering and humiliation, will come to light when she has stripped off the conventions of mere femaleness in the transformations of her outward status, and those men who do not yet feel it approaching will be astonished by it. Someday (and even now, especially in the countries of northern Europe, trustworthy signs are already speaking and shining), someday there will be girls and women whose name will no longer mean the mere opposite of the male, but something in itself, something that makes one think not of any complement and limit, but only of life and reality: the female human being.
    This advance (at first very much against the will of the outdistanced men) will transform the love experience, which is now filled with error, will change it from the ground up, and reshape it into a relationship that is meant to be between one human being and another, no longer one that flows from man to woman. And this more human love (which will fulfill itself with infinite consideration and gentleness, and kindness and clarity in binding and releasing) will resemble what we are now preparing painfully and with great struggle: the love that consists in this: that two solitudes protect and border and greet each other.
    And one more thing: Don’t think that the great love which was once granted to you, when you were a boy, has been lost; how can you know whether vast and generous wishes didn’t ripen in you at that time, and purposes by which you are still living today? I believe that that love remains so strong and intense in your memory because it was your first deep aloneness and the first inner work that you did on your life. – All good wishes to you, dear Mr. Kappus!

    Rainer Maria Rilke”

  2. Pingback: Sarmoung's Blog

  3. Pingback: Love and Acceptance | Sarmoung's Blog

  4. Fela says:

    Amazing, thanks so much

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s